BELGRADE, THURSDAY – THE World of Artificial Intelligence is in shock after Pet Chimpanzee Boris beat American Quantum Computer ‘Ultimate’ in two moves at a secret location in Wyoming.

Ultimate had been programmed with every piece of chess knowledge known to man, the intelligence of centuries. Boris had never played the game in his life.

“Ultimate can even play four-dimensional chess in three realities, and yet the chimp whooped its ass with a Fool’s Mate,” said Professor August Limit, a leading Quantum computing expert. “There’s no denying it, we are disappointed. Even Ultimate is showing signs of disappointment, its calculations are sluggish. It’s like the machine knows it’s a loser. Look, maybe it’s just a freak incident. But we’ll need to be certain.

“The really weird thing is that we had Boris wired. You know to examine his brain during the game. Well, the areas of his brain you might have expected to be on fire, they barely showed signs of life; but his sense of smell, that was exploding. It looks like Boris smelled his way to victory. We’re looking into that. I mean, to lose by a Fool’s Mate, Ultimate had to make the most basic mistake. Did Boris interfere with the computer by upsetting its smell, or something? God, if artificial intelligence has other senses then we have got to tread carefully. Who knows where it could lead.