FROM SUNDRY WIRE SERVICES

VERY EARLY EXIT POLLING shows smaller parties like the SAVE OUR TURKEYS and LEG SHAVERS are ahead in the 2023 New South Wales state election.

“Nothing to be concerned about,” remarked Nationals candidate Wal Surplus, “the fringe always turns up first at the polling stations. I suppose they’re full of passion, but it’s also to get a good position to hand out their literature and avoid other parties.

“You see people like the Leg Shavers, who are demanding Government support for women to shave their legs, they can’t stand the lefty parties, who often have women who won’t shave their legs for their ideological reasons. The Leg Shavers spot one hair on a woman’s leg and you’re likely to have a riot.

“And The Save Our Turkeys lot, they can’t bear the animal rights party because the latter focus on all animals while … well, they say it all in the title, don’t they. Narrow focus groups often hate each other more than they hate the main parties. Often they were originally comrades and then there was a split. That’s how the Save Our Turkeys Party came about, a falling out with the bigger now defunct, Save Our Flightless Birds Party, which collapsed in a row over what actually constituted a flightless bird.

“The Leg Shavers once had a bikini-line wing but they were expelled. Too radical. Some of them joined One Nation, I’m told.

“Yeah, the narrower the ideological focus, mate, the more principled the party, the more likely a nasty split. That’s why we bigger parties keep principles to a minimum. Principles really have no place in politics.”