BY OUR SCIENTIFIC STAFF

A NEW SOUTH WALES MAN who can drink beer through his anus and urinate from his mouth has managed to register zero on a roadside breath test despite drinking fifty cans of double strength lager.

The man, who wishes only to be known as Norm, told the Kookaburra Bugle: “Yeah, I’ve been working on this for years, sucking the suds up my arse and pissing out my mouth, and it appears to reverse the usual process of drinking and getting drunk. In fact, the more I drink this way, the more sober I get, I think.”

Norm, a tradie with a tattoo of a well know beer on each cheek of his backside, said he discovered the trick while on holiday in an unspecified foreign country. “I was sick and tired of bein’ disqualified, but I wanted to keep downin’ the old suds,” he said. “Then I came across this ancient practice. I can’t reveal the where it was, the locals are very secretive. But you gotta love it, don’t you?”

Scientists, while initially skeptical, have confirmed that Norm can indeed absorb large quantities of lager via his bottom and subsequently expel waste liquid from his mouth, without the alcohol registering in his breath. “We’re not sure what the process is but it’s possible the entry through the back door so to speak neutralizes the normal chemistry of alcohol consumption,” a researcher commented.

Norm’s next experiment with be to talk through his anus. “Well, me mates all say I talk through my arse anyway, so we might as well see.”