by Puss E. Gee Social Editor

SOCIAL MEDIA is on fire with news that a new incurable strain of venereal disease turns promiscuous women a very bright red colour when contracted.

It’s a real concern,” commented Orla Languish of the women’s rights group Treatment. “Women are again paying the price for male lust. Girls are driven to near hysteria examining their skin tones. It’s a nightmare. Tanning salons are unable to cope.”

Just why the new strain only affects women in this way is unclear. “It could be something to do with hormones,” said Dr Richard Dick of the Sexually Transmitted Diseases Department at the Hamburg and Amsterdam Institute for Human Relationships. “Or shame. Women tend to regret casual sexual encounters more than men. And they face more condemnation than men. Slut shaming has no male equivalent. In fact, men are praised by peers when they have multiple partners. In fact the more they treat women as objects the more status they obtain. That’s a hard one to crack. But hey, shit happens. my thoughts are with girls who blush easily.”

“Tatoos can help cover the stain,” says Mary Taut of the STI counselling group Fault, which has been overrun with inquiries. “Until a cure is found. The problem is that tatoos have now become a marker and attract the most unpleasant questions from men.”

LGBTQIA+ groups have expressed horror that all on the gender spectrum are not equally affected by the disease. “Yeah, men who transition to women show no signs at all, whereas women who transition to men could light up a room,” says Dr Dick. “Lesbians and gay men, it’s hard to tell. Some just look like they’ve had a hard workout. Others are often mistaken for street art.”