WASHINGTON, CANADA

IN A DISTURBING DEVELOPMENT, a new study has found that 99% of America’s teenagers cannot point out their own country on a map.

Indeed, only 58% of respondents could properly name their own country.

And even those who could point out the United States could hardly ever put a finger on its borders.

“Many respondents were sure Canada was part of the US,” said on academic who conducted the study. “Others had the country extending as far south as Argentina and as far east as Kyiv. The war there has people confused.

“The really weird thing is the correlation between those kids who watch The Crown on Netflix and those who believe the United States is still ruled from London. And, of course, there is a significant group of youngsters who are convinced that we exist in a parallel America ruled from a wormhole near Pluto. Holy Shit!”