BY DARWIN DAWKINS FROM EAST AFRICA

IF YOUR teenagers drive you to utter despair, then it is all the fault of evolution.

So says Dr Magnus Tantrum of the East African Centre for the Study of Human Progress, based in Kenya.

“We have studied societies dating back to the dawn of humanity, and they all appear to have one thing in common: as soon as the children reach puberty, the health of the parents deteriorates dramatically.

“Even as far back as hundreds of thousands of years ago, before Homo Sapiens, you can see it. The skeletons we have all bear witness to a shrinking of the brain, and then a complete breakdown in health. Once strapping adults are reduced to wrecks.

“We can only assume that when the kids are grown, the adults become surplus to requirement. Allies to enemies in a couple of years. It’s remarkable.

“Today, the period in which it happens is longer, because it takes forever for modern children to become self-reliant. But the end is always the same. Wretched parents being swept aside by their progeny.

“One can only assume that teenage behaviour hasn’t changed since we came down from the trees. Indeed, it’s probable that some early teenager refused to come out of his tree, or even clean it.

“Some do it earlier than others. Remember the story of Jesus disappearing in the Temple of Jerusalem at age 12? There he was off giving lip to his elders, telling them how to run the world, telling his parents he didn’t need them around, interfering in his work. Like I said , plus ca change …”