DERRY, LONDON, BELFAST, IRELAND, NORTH

US PRESIDENT Joe Biden will conduct his short visit north of the Irish border in a DeLorean motor car.

He is due to attend the University of Ulster near Belfast for a celebration of 25th Anniversary of the Good Friday Agreement, and because Derry is unavailable as it’s on fire after hate-fueled rioting.

“The whole Back to the Future metaphor atmosphere is perfect for this celebration,” said a White House Spokesman. “The title of the movie is confusing enough to appeal to everyone’s prejudices in Northern Ireland. And that’s what we want, isn’t it?

“And doesn’t the President look awfully like “Doc” Brown in that film?”

When asked if he knew that Delorean was a by-word for abject failure and disgrace in Northern Ireland, the spokesman said: “Oh, fuck!”