BY AL DIPSY, SOCIAL TRENDS REPORTER

IT’S SUPPOSEDLY THE BIGGEST single issue troubling young Australians, if you discount the proposed reboot of Neighbours: Housing!

And yet in a shocking survey of 10,000 Australian men between the ages of 18 and 35, 99% of the respondents insisted that they would sacrifice a reduction in housing costs for cheaper beer.

“Because you can’t drink a house,” insisted Col Lumpenprole, a self-appointed spokesman for his generation. “But you can build a home from empty beer cans. Which me and my mates are doing. You know, slowly.”

Lumpenprole, an unemployed footy supporter from Sydney, says that cheap beer could be the solution to the whole housing dilemma across Australia. “If you make it really cheap, the suds, I mean, then we can build all the affordable shacks we need from the empties. Albo, are you listening? You could probably do it with bottles as well. You know, for the arty types; and charge a little more. I’ tellin’ ya, it’s an industry that’s been waiting for its time, and that time has arrived.”