BY T. E LAWRENCE, DEVIOUS FOREIGN PLOTS CORRESPONDENT

IF ISLAMIC STATE gets its way, women will have to wear burkas on the moon, according to a CIA source.

Fresh from losing top secret documents on the Ukraine War in a mass leak by a 21-year old National Guardsman, American Intelligence has sought to redeem itself with the news that it has uncovered an Islamic State plot to take over the moon.

The fanatical group, which took over large areas of Syria and Iraq several years back, has been operating below the radar in recent years, but has not gone away.

“It’s just dodging American drones,” says Colonel Max Maxim, a retired US special forces leader, who now sells his expertise on the open market. “There’s nothing like an unmanned aerial assassin to make you think twice about going out for cigarettes.”

Which is why Islamic State has decided to focus on the moon.

“No drones on the moon,” says Colonel Maxim.

The Islamic State plan is to send a volunteer on a one-way trip to the moon, using a North Korean ballistic missile rocket. Once there, the martyr, as he will become, will plant the flag of the Islamic State Caliphate, claim the lunar surface for Islam, jump start an old American lunar rover, drive around collecting the six American flags there, including the one planted by Neil Armstrong back in 1969, declare Sharia Law, shout Allah U Akbar and detonate an explosive vest beneath his space suit.

“And Bada Bing,” says Colonel Maxim, “it’s all over YouTube, Instagram and Tik Tok in a few minutes. Hey presto: We’re Back, Motherfuckers! What a return to center-stage.”

The wicked plan was apparently discovered by the CIA in its archives, where many missed opportunities lie undisturbed until their time arrives.

“Cometh the hour of difficulty, cometh the evil plan,” says Colonel Maxim.