BY OUR HEALTH EDITOR

THE ALARM caused by Bud Light’s attempt to go Woke has forced scientists to examine the beer in order to calm fears that it might cause drinkers to gender transition without their realizing it.

Well, having pumped various small rodents full of Bud Light, researchers have reported back that no signs of gender reassignment have emerged, but that little white mice can become raving alcoholics.

Trials on humans proved even more enlightening.

“We then moved on to human trials,” said Professor Jack Daniel, “and we found, a little to our surprise, that while drinking Bud Light had no effect on gender, it did have an affect on behaviour if consumed in very large quantities over a short period of time, like a single evening.

“People went a little crazy. Inhibitions were shed, and high levels of bitter regret followed.

“When a female participant discovered she was pregnant, yes, we felt the need to press the panic button. We have yet to see a similar effect on a male, but look, we’re still researching and, hell, the public needs to know.”