BY D.B. UKREJ, CONSPIRACY EDITOR

NEWS THAT AN ANONYMOUS LAWYER is now the Lee Harvey Oswald Professor of Wild Conspiracy Theories at Online University The Hoffa Institute has caused a surge in speculation around the world that it’s part of a conspiracy to cancel conspiracy theories.

“It begins as comedy, and ends in tragedy,” remarked historian Jack Ruby. He went on to explain: “The Hoffa Institute itself has been the subject of conspiracy theories for years, especially after someone postulated that Sirhan Sirhan and Osama Bin Laden were both alumni. Now the internet is alive with crazies who think this new chair in Wild Conspiracy Theories is a CIA, or MI6, or some other agency, conspiracy to suppress wild conspiracy theories. A hall of mirrors, no?

“They believe that this appointment – of a lawyer, who should be wedded to facts and evidence – may mean that wild conspiracy theories will need to have some small shred of evidence backing them to be given credence in the academic community. Utterly unacceptable to the often insane wild conspiracy community.

“The anonymity of new professor has conspiracy theorists doing somersaults. It was done, we understand, to allow him to function without being overwhelmed by conspiracy theories. Indeed his students will themselves be anonymous for similar reasons, and in case they are moles planted by intelligence agencies or organised crime, or even aliens. All this has caused a furious spike in theories that the new professor is actually an agent of some evil government power, or organised crime, or aliens. This is gaining a lot of traction on Tik Tok but that might be just Chinese intelligence trying to confuse; or aliens.

“We do know, from conspiracy sources – and, of course, their reliability is always problematic – that the new professor has a very strong track record in conspiracy publication and has serious theories unsupported by any real evidence on all the major conspiracy theories of our age. In fact, we understand that he is quietly considered a titan of wild conspiracy theories, being a world leader in 9/11 studies and alien abduction. Again, this information itself might be a conspiracy. That’s the real problem with conspiracy theories, isn’t it?

“Anyway, it remains to be seen whether this attempt to bring wild conspiracy theories into mainstream academia will either dilute the theories or simply destroy the credibility of ordinary research-driven study. Probably a bit of both which means it really has to be a conspiracy.”