SOUTH AMERICAN NEWS SERVICE

A GERMAN DIPLOMAT’S call for a single European Army has received support from the Amazonian jungle.

Hauptsturmfuhrer Martin Schicklgruber, now 103, and living at the Fourth Reich Guesthouse somewhere in Brazil, says he has supported a single European army all his life. “We were on the way to building one in the Waffen SS. We had volunteers from all over Europe. Indeed, as far away as India. My own division, Prinz Eugen, had men from many parts of Europe. What better template for a single European army? It’s what the Fuhrer always wanted.”

The German Government has sought to distance itself from Schicklgruber’s comments. “These are not the sentiments of the vast majority of the German people,” a spokesman insisted.

“How could it be?” a Berlin historian said. “The army is a bloated social club, which seems to spend more on beer than training and ammunition.”

“Of course it is,” replied Hauptsturmfuhrer Schicklgruber. “As the Fuhrer said, the best are dead. Only their memory lives. But at least our panzers are headed to the Ukraine once again. This is a start.”