BY EAMONN MACANTIRNONOGFADOFADO, FORMER IRA BOMBER AND FREELANCE SOCIAL DIARIST

IF JACK HIGGINS OR FREDERICK FORSYTH HAD WRITTEN IT ,YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT. But the IRA may be sending a small unit to London for the coronation of King Charles, to protect His Majesty and Charles’ honoured guest, Sinn Fein Vice President Michelle O’Neill.

“It’ll be some of our Unknowns, you know, old Gerry A’s creation from way back when,” says a leading Republican. “They’re all a wee bit older but definitely wiser. They’ll get out the clobber and mingle. No one will ever know they were there. Naturally, they’ll be armed but only for self-defence. In case any of our old colleagues who don’t agree with us show up. Or we spot a Brit Informer we still have our eye on. Anyway, the word is, Charles is to be protected at all costs; he’s turning out to be quite the ally now. And you can’t believe the hostility towards him over there in England. And wee Michelle, well we can’t let anything happen to her before the DUP acknowledge her as First Minister. I mean who wants to miss that?”

Coronation organizers have refused to confirm or deny the information. “Naturally some guests will be bringing their own security,” said a Buckingham Palace insider. “That’s quite normal. Indeed, the Chinese are establishing a police station at their embassy, we understand. And frankly we appreciate any help we can get with all the protesters there are; not to mention Harry and that woman and all their sordid mob. Oh God!”

The IRA team will stay at an old safe house in Belgravia, and draw weapons from a secure dump in Kilburn. “Their coronation clobber will come from Savile Row,” says the Republican source. “We have contacts. And the boys want them to look their best. Low key, though. There are sensitivities. Can’t have them near any of the Mountbatten clan, or anything like that. But all that’s been taken care of behind the scenes. Our boys’ll just enjoy the day. Sure the way things are going, the North of Ireland may be the only place Charles is King of in a few years time.”