FROM OUR FINANCE EDITOR

WESTERN GOVERNMENTS struggling with inflation and high interest rates, have come up with a radical plan to raise more revenue by taxing people who use plural pronouns to describe themselves as just that, plurals.

“It’s usual to tax individuals, even as couples, but as these trans people have suggested that they are no longer single determinable individuals, but are numerically fluid entities, the various revenue services around the globe have seen an opportunity to raise more cash,” explained Mr Rythles Cash, a former tax specialist for one of the big five accountancy consultants. “You start to use the plural to describe yourself and you’re asking for trouble from people whose job it is to squeeze as much money as they can from anything with a pulse. I’ve heard that the American IRS is actually planning to give tax breaks to trans organisations to encourage more propagation of trans culture.”

Australia’s taxation office, the ATO, said in a statement: “We’re consulting with a range of partners on how this new development in human personality expression can be maximized for the benefit of revenue collection. We are confident of being able to increase tax collection by a factor of three. It may be used to subsidize energy bills and the cost of the Voice. We await directions.”

The UK Internal Revenue actually held a party – not during Covid, they insist – to celebrate the rise of the use of plural pronouns by trans people. “It’s a godsend,” said a spokesperson. “We’re going to have it on tax forms in the near future. It’s with the lawyers right now. All that money we lost through Brexit, we might just be able to get it back. Of course the devil will be in the detail: exactly how many people is someone who uses a plural pronoun to describe themselves?”