HEALTH DESK

DECLINING MARRIAGE statistics around the globe may have a scientific as well as a social basis, as doctors conclude that certain groups of married men are more likely to suffer dementia than their single brothers.

“It’s a fine line,” explained Dr Malthus Krippen, “because we’re dealing with numbers that include people who have been married numerous times and comparing them to each other and to those who never married. Even if men are single when examined, periods of married life would have had some influence on their result, no matter how short the marriage. It’s a surprise, because before this married men were thought to have less chance of dementia than those who are single. The so-called married man dividend. But we have dug deeper and found that for some married men, the status is actually life-threatening.

“Central to our work are men who admit to having consistently banged their heads off walls in frustration when dealing with their spouses during their marriages. It is an almost uniquely male reaction to spousal responses which do not specifically address the issue at hand but tend to wander and obfuscate. It is not the case with women, who normally find solace in support groups, and have no problem anyway coping with utterly irrational responses to logical questions. Also, men tend absorb their marital pain while women coldly take it out on their husbands in slow tortuous ways that cause the aforementioned banging of heads. This has led to cranial injuries in some married men being multiples of those in single men. It’s rather frightening. I’m married, you know, and I have had cause to bang my head off the wall when dealing with my beloved.”

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