BELGRADE, THURSDAY

“WELL, WE were completely out of dunny roll at the time, and the Minister was aching for a dump,” said Magnus Opus, a Canberra trade specialist. “I mean there was shit all over it anyway, as for as the Poms were concerned, so we figured who’d notice some more. No, I’m not saying who the Minister was.”

The trade deal has been criticized for hugely favoring Australia, particularly in the area of livestock farming. It is rumored to have been completed in a rush, over dinner, by then Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who first apologized to Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison for joining the Common Market back in 1973. “Yeah, it appears that Boris might not have been quite on top of his brief – again,” explained a Whitehall insider, “and didn’t understand the full impact of what he was agreeing to. Poor dear. Detail was never his strong suit. That said, the Colonials did pull something of a rum move, given that they were dinner guests.”

“Look, there was an original signed piece of paper that one of our boys had to get a screen shot of to send to the Aussie High Commission in London in case Johnson suddenly realized the seriousness of his error,” explained an Australian Government insider. “So he said he had to go to the crapper. That’s when he sent the screen shot and then made a second copy of the deal on the toilet paper, just for safety sake. The toilet paper wasn’t needed in the end.”

“Don’t worry, we still have it in a zip bag in case the Brits think it’s been flushed away,” said an Australian MP. “This one’s going to a museum eventually.”