BY RAY JINGO FROM THE FRONT LINE WITH THE UKRAINIAN OFFENSIVE EVERYWHERE

“THE COWARDS, we will have them all sledgehammered,” roared Russian General Maxim Stalingrad, whose entire brigade left their fortifications in southern Ukraine and began running towards the sea when they heard the British Challengers were coming.

News that the 14 British-supplied Challenger tanks were on their way, spread through the Russian ranks like food poisoning at a rock festival. “It was shocking,” said a Russian journalist who witnessed the retreat. “I actually saw some Russian soldiers shit themselves at the thought the Challenger tanks were coming. Add in a few crude Daily Mail articles and the whole business became a rout. The Russian army hasn’t suffered a defeat like this since Kiev (Kyiv) in 1941.”

The British Challenger tanks – said to be the ultimate in war fighting technology by the British media – are so feared by the Russians that a good part of the population of Moscow is ready to evacuate at the first word of their appearance on Russian soil. Other areas too are shaking at the prospect of facing the Challengers.

“I know Crimea is terrified at the possibility that these vicious weapons will be used against them,” said Syd Leper, an Australian SAS veteran and accused war criminal now fighting with the Wagner PMC. “Shit, I have to clench my own arse cheeks at the very whisper they are in the neighborhood. And I’m a merciless cunt, I am.”