BY J. STALIN IN KYIV

WESTERN CONTEMPT for Russia’s mistaken claim to have destroyed a Ukrainian armored vehicle which turned out to be a combine harvester, has increased in the face of newly released CIA and MI6 intelligence that everything the tyrannical regime in Moscow claims to have destroyed, is in fact Ukrainian farm machinery.

“Scores – if not hundreds of combine harvesters and tractors and ploughs, that’s the extent of our losses,” said a CIA officer who refused to be named. “The Ukrainians are going to have problems bringing in the wheat, but their tanks and fighting vehicles, they’re all still intact. All old Ivan is getting for his efforts is hay fever.”

“Oh, boy, yes, it’s true, hay fever has broken out in significant quantities across Russian lines,” says Slava Bandera, a Ukrainian intelligence officer. “Thousands of Russian conscripts crying for Claratyne. They can hardly see us advance.”