FROM MILWALL, ENGLAND

“HE’S A GOOD SAINT, NOT A GREAT SAINT.”

These are God’s words. Confirmed by several divine sources who do not wish to be named.

They come in direct contradiction to the great Irish Soccer pundit Eamon Dunphy’s claim in the Irish Mirror, that he was not a saint.

“Brave move,” said a Catholic Church insider. “I mean God’s, not Dunphy’s. Those of us who remember Eamon’s attacks on the various elements in Irish society with whom he disagreed during his time with the Independent Group, we know what God might be in for.”

Dunphy was weighing into the Ryan Tubridy debacle, saying that he himself had taken a secret pay cut when at RTE, as a felt he was being paid too much at the time. Describing RTE’s arrangement with Tubridy as “grubby”, Dunphy advised the world that he felt canonization with respect to himself would be undeserved.

Dunphy appeared angry, that he had prematurely showered Tubridy with praise when the latter announced his departure from the Late Late Show, before the current pay scandal broke. “I’m no saint as everyone knows,” he reminded people.

The are some for whom mere sainthood for the former Millwall star is not enough.

“When Eamonn left RTE, something left with him,” said an ambitious rising star at the Irish National Broadcaster. “An integrity, a decency, a generous decadence, a love of great culture and magnificent football; a profound modesty. It has never been replaced. Sainthood would not not be adequate. God cannot possibly raise Eamonn to the Olympian heights he deserves with mere canonization. By the way, is Tubridy’s radio slot still up for grabs?”