FROM OUR DEFENCE SCUTTLE BUTT CORRESPONDENT in Vilnius

“IT’S WHAT YOU might call CATCH ’23: NATO won’t let Ukraine join until Ukraine somehow wins its war with Russia; but Ukraine cannot win that war without being a NATO member and having the full support of the alliance and its military behind it. Basically, Ukraine is not getting in until it’s no longer at war. So it either wins or surrenders to Russia’s demands.”

These are the words of an Afghan waiter who was serving soft drinks at the latest NATO self-congratulation fest in Vilnius.

“Poor Zelenskyy, he’s gradually realizing that he’s just another pawn in a bigger, longer game. Supposedly, his own senior generals want him to dial down the current offensive because it is going to hell in a hand basket; but his NATO overlords want him to continue attacking no matter the cost. And if nothing happens by winter, they’ll probably think about cutting their losses and find a reason to pull the rug from under him. They’re running out of ammunition anyway, and, more importantly, they’re running out of interest. It’s the standard Western playbook. They cheer you in and then when they don’t win in the allotted time, they leave you high and dry. What do the English say? Up stumps. I was a senior Afghan general. I put my faith in the West. Now my family are all dead and I serve Coca Cola to the very people who hung me out to dry. While they cheer Sweden’s entry into NATO like it’s the arrival of the cavalry.

“The only useful thing the accession of Sweden to the NATO alliance has provided, is a nice distraction from what is happening in Ukraine right now; because Sweden has quietly been in NATO’s camp for decades. Have another soft drink. Please. It’s my living.

“The problem for NATO in all its current self-congratulation, is what happens if Ukraine really loses this Russian war. Where would Putin be willing to stop? NATO’s least worst outcome would be a frozen front line, like it had been since 2014 until last year.Do you want another Coca Cola?”