FROM OUR EQUALITY CORRESPONDENT GUY SANS BOULES

A TOP SECRET plan to deliver all power on Earth into the hands of women has had to be deferred because the women involved all had hair and nail appointments.

“Naturally, this is an unfortunate interruption of what we felt was an utterly sublime moment in human history,” remarked United Nations special ambassador for the promotion of women Carla Marks, “but you just can’t get a decent stylist for love nor money these days. And when you do you don’t throw it away for anything.”

The handover will now take place at some time – to be determined – when the women involved are free to attend the ceremony. “It’s all all a matter of juggling commitments,” Ms Marks insisted. “The boys will just have to wait. Well, we’ve been waiting for ten thousand years. They can wait a little longer.”

“I’ve been waiting for women all my fucking life,” said one of the male participants in the plan. “And I’ll probably die waiting for them.”