EDUCATION REPORTERS AND GENDER EDITOR

“WOULD THAT EVEN SCAN?”

Olivier Burton Truffaut, who teaches English Literature at a French University, says that two of his ancestors were killed at The Battle of Agincourt: “Murdered after they were taken prisoner, by Les Anglais on the orders of Henri Cinq.” But still he is horrified at a proposal being discussed at several English institutions of higher learning, to change the text of William Shakespeare’s play, Henry V, so that it “might better reflect the sex and gender make-up of those present at the 1415 battle”.

“There were rumours that several high-ranking French knights were found to be wearing some female attire under their armour when their bodies were located,” explained Professor Jeremy Pride, a researcher of the period; “and French chronicles of the time say that English bowmen were known to share more than their strings with each other during these campaigns. It’s possible too that at least three of the French nobles who were not killed, had their lives spared because they turned out to be women.”

“Zut alors,” says Truffaut. “The claim about French knights in female dress was to cover up the appalling massacre of prisoners committed by Les Anglais. Slandering the victims, with all due respect to LGBTQIA+ people. And no women are known to have led French armies before Jean D’Arc. And she wore men’s clothes. Are we saying she was LGBTQIA+ because she chose not to wear a dress into battle?”

“Yes, Joan of Arc is an interesting subject for LGBTQIA+ studies,” Professor Pride said. “She led armies attired as a man, was vilified for her male dress, but was eventually burned as a woman. Gender-fluid or what? She is an icon for everyone.”

“Piffle!” says Truffaut. “The English trying to denigrate her because they murdered her too. I bet they never mention the Battle of Castillon, where they lost the Hundred Years War – Yes, the English lost – and all their French lands – except for Calais, which fell 100 years later – and where the English leader, Talbot, he was found to be wearing une bra et les split-crotch panties when his body was discovered. I have that on good authority. Another of my relatives was there and we have the garments at home. You don’t read: ‘…we happy few, we band of cross-dressers ….’ in Shakespeare, do you? Vive La France!”