FINANCE DESK

STORIES OF UK banks refusing accounts to people whose opinions are deemed objectionable, have led to a proposal that such woke institutions be relabeled “Wanks” as a warning to people who might find service refused or accounts closed.

“The public has a right to know which financial institutions are driven by woke values and which are not,” says Professor Milton Milton of the Banks are for Everyone pressure group. “Banks are subject to public licensing and are granted such licences on the basis that they treat all customers equally. We propose a separate licence for Woke Banks, or “Wanks” as we like to call them, with separate conditions and obligations for the two. Then people can decide if the want to be bankers or wankers.”