BY OUR ANIMAL BEHAVIOR EDITOR, T.H.E HERD

“IT’S MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD, probably as old as animal life itself,” insists biology professor Darwin Dawkey, “and the basic rhythm is essentially the same, a tortuous repetition that digs right into the male’s essence and reduces him to a quivering jelly, or, in some cases, drives him insane. How about that for a punch?”

He’s talking about nagging, something he says only the male of any species can detect. “Yes, the female doesn’t even know she is doing it, as it has no effect on her or on any females around her. Just the boys. And it’s achieved not just by repetition but by – and this is its essence – a tonal frequency so agonizing to males that it forces their brains to shut down and ignore the female just to survive the encounter. And it’s all created by the tiniest of bones found only in females which we have traced back to the dinosaur periods. It’s as if they were given it to even up the odds where the male of the species is physically bigger and stronger.”

Dawkey, who insists that nagging is the only proof he needs that no God exists, says that although men are superficially stronger than women, a woman’s ability to destroy a man by nagging him means that nature has ensured essential female dominance of relationships and politics among humans and related species down the ages, even though the majority view up until now is that men have always been in control. “Any married man could have told you this, but we have proved it,” the scientists said. “And what benevolent all-seeing Creator could have invested his creatures with such torture? No, there is no God. How could there be?”