BANDWAGON DESK

FURIOUS MATILDA FANS are sure where the blame for the team’s poor showing against England and then Sweden lies – Prime Minister Anthony Albanese!

“The minute he stuck his nose into the Women”s World Cup, the campaign started to go pear-shaped,” said a commentator who does not wish to be named. “Everything that bloody bloke sniffs at goes sour in an hour.”

Albanese – who likes to be referred by the Blokish term, Albo, channeled his inner Bob Hawke when he suggested that should the Matilda’s win the World Cup a Public Holiday would be in order for the whole nation. The idea sank like an Aussie submarine when businesses, already struggling with dire economic circumstances, universally pissed on it. “It’s not the fuckin’ America’s Cup, Albo, a construction entrepreneur about to go bust, said. “It’s just a bunch of Sheilas playing second division blokes’ soccer. Get off the fuckin’ bandwagon and get on the fuckin’ job. There’s people doin’ it tough out here.”

The Prime Minister, who is staring possible defeat of his Voice referendum in the face, is thought by some to have come up with the holiday idea as a way of drumming up support for the controversial Aboriginal initiative. “Bloody hell, why not hand the whole country over to the Abo community?” said Wal Col of Dol in Queensland. “Anything to get it out of the hands of the shower that have it now. Oh, that’s the plan hidden in the Voice, isn’t it? Well, the Matildas were playing a blinder till the bloody Government stuck its nose in. I lost a heap of cash on that Pom game. I do blame Albo, I do. And where the hell is Sweden?”