FROM RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA

THE OFFER IS said to be in the high mega trillions; and the prize is … London! And insider whispers say that Rishi Sunak’s Government is giving really serious thought to selling the UK’s capital city to Saudi Arabia.

Sir Archibald Pumpkin-Ratarse of the right-wing Make Us Great Society is certainly all for it: “It would clear all our debts, give the rest of the country a huge pile of cash, a massive sovereign wealth fund, to really launch Brexit Britain, and … and here’s the splendid thing … get rid of most of the moaning minny Remainers who secretly want us back in the European Union. Win, win, win. We MUGS are just waiting for the cheque.”

Others are more cautious. What would happen to King Charles? And Madame Tussauds? And, even more importantly, Tottenham Hotspur, Chelsea and Arsenal?”

“Well two of the clubs are already owned by foreigners, as is much of the rest of the city,” says Walter Munch-on-Begel, the Franco-German celebrity economist who made a fortune encouraging the UK to leave the EU. Herr M-B, as he is known during his packed-out stadium tours, says “England without London would be Scotland without the charm. London, on the other hand, would probably be clean and safe and … very religious. The Saudis are looking to the future, beyond oil. They might even apply to join the European Union. That would be interesting.”

Nobody from the UK Government was available for comment.