FROM OUR CORRESPONDENT, CHANDRA BOSE, IN MUMBAI

“THE FUTURE IS INDIAN, live with it,” says technology billionaire Ultan Gandhi-Nehru, whose company, Curry Nan IP, provides software services to much of Asia. “My company has more programmers on its books than the UK has citizens. We could run the UK from a back office in Mumbai if we had to. But we need access to the UK. Like we gave you access to India a few hundred years ago. Think how well that worked out … for you.”

Mr G-N, as he is known, is hopeful, that in exchange for access to India for the UK’s whiskey and cars, the UK will grant what her terms “broad access” to Indian technology companies and – very importantly – their experts.

“We’ll probably need a million visas to start with,” he says. “Not only do my people have to be able to come and go, they have be be able to bring their families, too. And we have big families. Think of how many more Indian restaurants there will be. And the glamour our women bring. And you already have a thriving Indian community of a couple of million, so what’s the fuss about a few million more?”

Some Brexiteers, desperate for a trade deal with India, are nervous of the consequences. “We don’t want to be ruled by Indians,” says Sir Rupert Cuntwalla-Dribblesnot, of the Make UK Great Society. “MUGS wants a return to empire. Britain ruling the waves, the Raj, and all that. Global Britain.”

“But they already are ruled by Indians,” Ultan Gandhi-Nehru remarked. “There’s even a movie about it – The Empire Strikes Back.“