WIRE SERVICES

IT SEEMED LIKE the perfect solution to the homelessness and the Ukrainian asylum problems in Ireland in one move: send all the fighting age men who have fled Ukraine to avoid the war, back to Ukraine at the behest of the Ukrainian Government, which needs them desperately.

And then the Russians upset the apple cart.

“The Irish Government had the paperwork ready,” says Basil, a Russian journalist working in Dublin. “The Zelenskyy regime in Kyiv is screaming for more bodies. Millions of Ukrainians have fled their country to evade military service, thousands have come to Ireland. Now, as their Government wants them back, the Irish Government could show solidarity with Kyiv by rounding the young men up and sending them back to their country, to fight. In one stroke they would ease the pressure on Irish homelessness and demonstrate their support for Ukraine against the Russian invader. Win, win.

“Until the Russian Embassy in Dublin offered these people asylum in its compound. They’re already erecting tents, and it’s believed they have a substantial area below ground to house people. Food is no problem either as they have always had supplies available in case of thermonuclear war. Beans, spaghetti hoops, Pringles, beer, and of course vodka. The Irish Government is now faced with the prospect of a siege with thousands of Ukrainian men inside the Russian Embassy, untouchable, and the families protesting outside. Ugly, is not the word.”

Rumors that the Ukrainian Embassy in Dublin might offer a similar concession to Russians who don’t want to go home have been somewhat queered by another rumor that the Irish have already offered to sell citizenship to Moscow oligarchs for a hundred million dollars a passport.

“That is untrue,” insists Irish Government supporter Red Hugh Cootehoor, “it’s only fifty million.”