BY G. MCGRUDER LIDDY, WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT

A FORMER MEMBER OF THE US Secret Service, the agency that guards US Presidents, says Lee Harvey Oswald was employed in the White House kitchen in 1973 – as a pizza chef.

“It is known that Richard Nixon loved pepperoni salads,” says Olaf Spam, now 95 and living in Haiti. “What’s not generally known is his love of pepperoni pizza, and late at night. Oswald, who learned to make pizza when he lived in the Soviet Union, I believe, worked the night shift at the White House, as Nixon’s personal cook. I know this because I did a lot of night duty myself after my third divorce, and Lee always cooked us agents a pizza if we asked him. We called him Lee, no one ever called him Lee Harvey.”

Mr Spam, who resides in a rundown hotel in Port Au Prince, maintains that Oswald left the White with the Nixon family after Watergate, and was never seen again.

“It was an open secret on Pennsylvania Avenue that this guy was Oswald, that he cooked really good pizzas and that he was somehow close to Nixon.”

And the man shot by Jack Ruby, the alleged assassin of John F Kennedy?

“When you work for the US Secret Service you learn to turn a blind eye to almost everything,” Spam admits. “Did you know that Eisenhower died in 1957? Sure. He was replaced by a double, who was later thrown alive into shark infested waters off Florida. Was Kennedy actually killed? Who knows? Was he ever even alive? At least five of our presidents were inventions, they never existed. Hard to believe? I can tell you that Ronald Reagan never came out of that hospital after he was shot. I spent a lot of time with Reagan. You have no idea.”

Spam says that he has made his revelations to pay for his elderly mother’s sex change operation. “And I’m unsure about Biden,” he added. “You know they fired me because I discovered Bush Senior was a Soviet agent when I wasn’t supposed to know. He was a double agent. Anyway, I saw the writing on the wall after that. First, I spent years guarding former presidents – an eye-opener, I’ll tell you – then because they were going to dump me in the Potomac, I stole Air Force One and came here. Of course, you’ll find this nowhere, and it’ll be denied by everyone. It never happened. I never happened. Maybe Lee Oswald is still out there making pizzas for someone.”