BY OUR WOKE EDITOR, HUGH CENSOR

IN AN EXTRAORDINARY turn of events, the leak of an Ultra Secret US Government file has revealed that the Central Intelligence Agency now believes that modern Woke culture is actually a virus manufactured in a Chinese laboratory.

Colonel Doug Cluster, a former US military intelligence officer now working for a private military company in the Middle East and Africa, says that “Ultra Secret” in American parlance means that the file can only be read by three people – the President, the President’s wife and an unidentified third party whom only the President knows. “No one else is allowed near it on pain of death. I have personally killed people who have accidentally read these kinds of documents, with my bare hands. On orders, of course.”

The document, which is a single page, says that although the word Woke dates back to the early part of the last century in African-American parlance, Woke culture which has developed during the last decade is likely the result of a synthetic virus manufactured in a lab in Tibet, and probably deliberately released into the American body politic.

“It has all the hallmarks of a synthetic virus,” says Colonel Cluster. “The sheer speed of spread, the way it targets certain vulnerable sub-groups, particularly the marginalized and their supporters, and empowers them, and the damn persistence and re-emergence of the thing, it’s almost admirable. It’s done so much damage, and the fun part is the Chinese are immune; indeed most of the world is immune. Only America and the West suffers. And continues to.”