BELGRADE, THURSDAY

TEN CALIFORNIAN TEENAGERS who were mistakenly believed to have eaten a mother while she watched her son play soccer in Idaho, turned out to be only mugging her for drugs.

The teenagers were described as “mutant zombies” by witnesses because of their “pale indifferent faces, bloodshot eyes, grotesque hair, ugly tatooes and slow moronic walking.”

“I was sure I saw them walk up to this woman, who was standing at the touchline, watching the soccer game, and just start to eat her,” said a woman serving coffee at the event. “One even poured what looked like salt and pepper over the lady.”

“Yeah, they just seemed to pull her apart,” said a boy who was keeping goal for one of the competing teams. “Pulled her apart, shared her out and then left. There’s a got to be a video doing the rounds. There just has to be.”

Authorities say that the sight of the teenagers might have triggered an autoimmune response in local spectators, which caused them to see the sum of all their fears about Californians, but that the incident was a simple mugging and the victim has recovered.

“And the salt and pepper, they were left-over Cocaine and Marijuana,” said a state official.