FROM HOLLYWOOD AND VINE

IT’S A FORTY-SIX year old conundrum that just had to be solved. Why did Star Wars heroine Princess Leia refer to evil villain Grand Moff Tarkin’s personal odour as a “foul stench”?

Well, self-confessed movie and comic nerd Lucius Drivel, believes he has come up with an explanation. “The wicked and murderous governor suffered from not only uncontrollable but also uninhibited flatulence. And what’s more the expulsion of his personal wind probably contributed as much to to the destruction of the Death Star as any weapons, at the end of the movie.

“Remember, Grand Moff Tarkin, or Governor Tarkin as he called by Leia, spends an awful lot of his time in space and this has obviously had an effect on his innards. He has developed a persistent build up of gasses in his body which expel regularly causing the aforementioned foul stench. What the Empire doesn’t realize is that these gasses have actually become a danger to the Death Star and when Luke Skywalker hits the target during the climactic scene in the original movie, it is the foul wind of Tarkin that ignites first. you will recall that Tarkin is offered an escape but refuses – perhaps because he suddenly understands the responsibility he holds for the peril the Death Star is now in. He just can’t escape his wind although his wind endlessly escapes him.”

Drivel, 62, who lives in England with his mother and rarely comes out, says he developed the theory upon watching the film for the thousandth time. “It’s really a huge leap forward in Star Wars studies. It surely explains why the Death Star exploded the way it did. Perhaps the secret plans to the Death Star were merely a cover, and Princess Leia only recognized its true weakness when she met Tarkin. Further study is needed.”

His mother, 93, yelled at him to stop wasting his life and clean his bedroom.