ENTERTAINMENT DESK

ALONG WITH SNOW White and Cinderella, and, of course, the Ugly Duckling, all of which now stand condemned as perpetuating patriarchy stereotypes and the physiological, psychological and sexual abuse of women and children, Old MacDonald, he of the famous farm full of noisy animals, has now been accused of misusing the various beasts for idle pleasure, and disrespecting their essential essence as living creatures.

“Old MacDonald is everything that stinks about the patriarchy,” says Hydrangea Manifold of the animal liberation group Meat Stinks, Vegetables Matter, “and teaching that song to children is nothing short of child abuse, not to mention what it does to the integrity of the animals involved. It’s the animal equivalent of Minstrel songs. Horrible.”

“Yes, the song should be cancelled and reparations paid for the billions of animals insulted by this defamatory rant,” insists Brutus Moist, who says that he only eats filtered air for fear of destroying innocent life. “Not to mention the cruel fate these animals have before them. Burn these lyrics. Death to Old MacDonald. Destroy his farm.”