FROM UP THE TOP END, AUSTRALIA

AUSTRALIAN ANIMAL PERVERT Brusse Faunaluvv, who was convicted last month of having had sex with almost every creature native to his homeland, has been swallowed whole by huge crocodile in the Northern Territory while attempting an oral sex act with the creature, according to news dribbling out from the Top End of the Land Down Under.

“Brusse was a fucking bastard, that’s true,” said Pete Scraggybeard, who shoots kangaroos for a living. “Though he was true to his desires – demented and all as they were. But you only ever get one blowjob from a saltwater croc. I think he knew that. And maybe he preferred being inside a crocodile to being inside a cell, if you understand my meaning. Anyway RIP Brusse.”