TEL AVIV

IMMEDIATELY THE ROCKETS started to come down, fans and others began to speculate whether this was a fiendish attempt by Hamas to kidnap the Irish manager of Israeli football side Maccabi Tel Avi, Robbie Keane.

But the Palestinian militants say no, not the case.

“Yes, we could do with someone of his talent in Gaza,” said a spokesman, “but we could not afford the fee, even with what Iran gives us. Our rocketeers are under strict orders not to harm Robbie. Respect.”