BEIRUT

IT’S ABOUT TO get a lot more crowded in the Holy Land as Canaanites across the globe announce their wish to return to their ancient homeland.

“The Canaanites were there before the Jews – awkward!,” says Dr Dagon Mot Baal of the Canaanite Institute in Montreal Canada. “According to the Bible, their city, Jericho, was conquered by the Israelites, led by Joshua. Remember, the walls came tumbling down. You look at Gaza and think, nothing changes, does it?

“After the conquest of their lands by the Israelites, the Canaanites slid into the shadows of history. Quite a few of the population of Lebanon are of Canaanite ancestry; probably some Israelis and Palestinians too. Otherwise, there are Canaanite communities all over the globe. Canaantown in New York is quite well know among serious travelers. Then there’s Little Canaan in London which has its own festival. There were even large Canaanite communities in Russia for centuries. The Communists transported them to the east during World War Two. Some of them wound up in Canada and the US.

“I’m told Hebollah has a Canaanite brigade.Not sure about Hamas. There are Canaanites in Tyre and Damascus. And there’s still a small Canaanite community in Baghdad. The Mongols apparently spared them. They still worship the old gods and practice polygamy. Their language is so complex that it cannot even be understood by quantum computers.

“They are usually found in construction wherever they live. This is said to be as a result of what happened to Jericho. It had a profound effect upon them. A sort of 9/11 shock. However, construction has made them very wealthy.

“The group that wants to establish a Canaanite homeland where Israel is now, says they’ll pay for the land, and compensate anyone living there. When you ask them why they want to move to Israel, they say that they have been wandering for three thousand years, feel vulnerable and just want to go home.”