PARIS

FRENCH BED BUGS have lodged an official complaint with the Hotel de Ville in Paris, protesting at the huge infestation of people using beds they inhabit in the French capital.

“And it’s not just in Paris, it’s all over France.” said a spokesbug. “Bed bugs cannot get a night’s sleep without some overweight, garlic-ridden human falling on top of them. It’s a diabolical liberty. We’ve had thousands of bed bug families evicted from their homes by this unprecedented surge of human beings. It’s unhealthy. It’s unjust. And it has to stop.”