TREBLINKA CORRESPONDENT JEREMY BONES

WHILE THE HUMANITY of the Palestinian people is there for all to see, a team of scientists in Brazil has now shocked many in the world with research that indicates Jews are members of the human family too.

“It’s a hard one for some people to digest,” says former Obersturmbannfuhrer Dr Adolf Adolf of the Deutschland Uber Alles Institute in the Amazonian rain forest. “I mean Jews. They’re such a rough lot, what with the beards and all that – and they sure caused us a lot of trouble, I’ll tell you – and yet apparently they are human beings just like the rest of us. Who would have thought? I’m glad the Fuhrer isn’t still with us. Frankly, we’re a little embarrassed – I mean, well, you know the history – but the science is quite clear. So welcome to the human race, I suppose. And shalom.”

Israeli Government spokeswoman Mrs Golda Ruth-Miriam says that while her people have be aware of the situation for quite some time, “it’s still nice to have it confirmed from such a solid unimpeachable source. I’m almost tempted to say Heil Hitler in appreciation but I do have my limits. What say we don’t send a Mossad team in to convey our thanks in person and leave it at that.”

Professor Adolf, who insists he had no knowledge of things that occurred during World War Two which were kept secret, says he is very happy that the results of his institute’s research have caused irritation in soft left-wing circles around the globe. “Some of these champagne swilling, virtue-signalling commie liberals seem to hate Jews more than we ever did. They just do it under the cover of love for the Arabs, who, of course, they are always inviting around to dinner and on gay pride marches. Personally, I never really did hate Jews. I was merely carrying out orders. Maybe I got a little prickly with them now and again, I will admit, but it was a stressful time; and now when I watch them in action, I think, sure, we could be friends. Please note that. I’m almost a hundred now and I would like to go home before I die.”