SOUTHERN FRANCE

NUNS OF THE Missionary Family of Notre Dame are not a special forces unit, nor a professional rugby team, according to a sister who took part in her order’s defence of a new church against ecology activists in Southern France.

“We just want to build a church,” she insisted. “So we can worship God as we have done for millennia.”

The activists want to protect a plant.

Videos of nuns tackling protesters have gone viral, with several professional rugby sides rumored to have offered contracts to the religious women.

“I hear at least one Australian Rugby League sides has offered a six figure contract to the nuns,” says conflict resolution expert Reg Nimby. “But they are being outbid by the Israeli Defence Force. The IDF wants these holy chicks, I am told, not for the assault itself, but for training purposes. It’s the religious devotion. You just can’t replicate that. These women are pledged to their faith and willing to throw themselves into harm’s way to defend it. Perfect training material.”