NEW YORK

BECAUSE WOMEN, ON AVERAGE, speak 20,000 words a day and men, on average, speak 7,000 words a day, scientists now say that this means women have contributed more to global warming than men.

“The science is settled,” says Dr Alexander Gob of the Strong Silent Type, a research institute devoted to measuring human carbon dioxide production over the decades. “When you open your mouth you expel carbon dioxide. Open your mouth 20,000 times a day instead of 7,000 times a day, multiply that by half the population of the planet and … bang! Women just need to shut up. Save the planet girls, zip it.”