BRUSSELS

PROPERTIES VACATED BY Brits forced out of Europe after Brexit are to be given to, among others, Ukrainian draft dodgers and refugees from Gaza.

Thousands of properties are becoming vacant as Brits who now find themselves to be illegal immigrants in European Union countries are forced from the Continent.

“It is indeed a sad state of affairs,” says French Government spokesperson Alain Moutard, “but Les Anglais are now in the same category as Nigerians and Syrians, and they have to obey the rules or face the boot. They have gone from being able to live anywhere they like in the EU, to having to seek visas for these countries. Zut alors.”

As well as the usual pressure of refugee migration from Africa and the Middle East, a growing population of Ukrainians who do not want to fight in their country’s war against Russia has been causing the EU a genuine housing headache. It is believed that the forced departure of the Brexit Brits will relieve quote a bit of that pressure.

“We have all these British retirement dream homes becoming vacant,” says Cormac Murphy-Tyrone, an Irish official with the European Commission. “And in all the best places – Spain, France, Italy, Greece. Our refugee problem suddenly isn’t such a problem. Kicking the Brits out actually makes way for the rest of the world.”