FROM SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

REMEMBER WHEN CULTS were all the rage? When every anniversary had a doomsday prophet and his pathetic followers following it? Charles Manson, David Koresh, The Prisoner?

So what happened?

“It’s Woke, isn’t?” according to Rachel, who was previously known as Number 2 in a small Palo Alto church that worshiped Steve Jobs as a Messiah. “Woke has taken everyone who used to be our followers: gender and identity politics, climate change, trans … whose left for us?”

Cult expert Arnie Makeover, who used to specialize in getting people away from false prophets, and now concentrates on a Pray The Gay Away Ministry in Idaho, says that the whole of modern left-wing post-modern politics now operates like a cult, and has vacuumed up the usual gullible and lost souls that cults used to prey on. “And there’s not a chance of getting them away. I know, I tried for a while. You see Woke has what the old cults never had – official support. Like Communism or Fascism, or merchant banking. It’s orthodoxy. So I’ve had to find a fresh avenue for my skills. Until they shut me down, which I’m sure they will. Praying the Gay away is in danger of become a cult.”