TECH CORRESPONDENTS AND WIRE SERVICES

AN ANONYMOUS RUSSIAN hacker has admitted that he has thousands of UK Government phone and computer messages, sent between senior politicians, civil servants and advisors from as far back as 2014. Including all the Whatsapp messages the current British Covid Inquiry has been told mysteriously went missing.

“I worked for Russian intelligence services as contractor,” he told the Kookaburra Bugle. “Based outside Mother Russia. We route our operations through many third countries, to cover our tracks. The Kremlin gets information via a listening post in Syria. We move operation every six months to avoid detection. We close everything before we re-open somewhere else. During these transfers, we pass everything to Syria and then vanish, only to reappear as someone else.

“I always copied all I sent out. For insurance, shall we say. I’m not suspicious of Moscow but I never accept ride in its jets and I don’t drink the tea they send us. I am businessman. So, if United Kingdom wants what I have then we should talk. Hey, one day I am possibly going to need the asylum. And maybe season ticket for Manchester United. I really think London should make contact.”