BY NELSON DE BOER ROBERTS

HOMICIDE IS AVAILABLE to all South Africans on a thoroughly equal basis, according to a new study.

Following recent gibes by senior Israelis about the death rates of white farmers there, a survey by One Bullet One Settler, a left-wing think tank based in Johannesburg, claims that murder in South Africa is actually one of the few equal opportunities available to all South Africans, Black, White, Asian, or whatever else their ethnicity might be.

“Twenty thousand murders a year, or thereabouts, and the proportions to head of population are about right,” says study author Walter Zulu. “More than the Israelis have killed in Gaza, you might say, but none of our killings can be said to have the smell of targeted genocide. As the statistics indicate – and they don’t lie – ours are just good old random homicides. A sporting chance for everyone.”