FROM OUR LONDON STAFF

IF THE RUMOURS are correct, British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has promised to place the UK in the position of a vassal state of the European Union to try and get the Democratic Unionist Party back into devolved power sharing in Northern Ireland.

The Tory leader is said to have committed to making sure future UK trade laws remain in line with those of the European Union to prevent the trade barrier now operating in the Irish Sea between Britain and Northern Ireland from getting any bigger.

In return for this, the Democratic Unionist Party will be free to claim it has won a major u-turn on the existing arrangements, which, in turn, will allow a return to government.

Except, the proposed deal will essentially leave the UK a servant of the EU and its trade laws, with absolutely no power or say over what laws the huge trading bloc implements.

“Ireland – yes little Ireland – will be making laws for the United Kingdom, which we British will have to slavishly follow,” says Genghis Cromwell a supporter of the Traditional Unionist Voice, which looks upon the Democratic Unionist Party and its cohorts as traitors and sell outs. “This won’t even be a soft Brexit, it will be perpetual serfdom to the European Union and its evil twin, *Popery. In the name of God, if this is to be the end result, why did we leave the EU in the first place? Do they not understand that the Irish Republic won’t ever have to invade, because we’ll have opened the gates and given them the bloody keys?”

Some DUP supporters have quietly expressed concern at the proposed deal. “So the solution to having only Northern Ireland ruled from Brussels and Dublin, is to hand the rest of the UK over to Brussels and Dublin, is that it?” asked one housewife, scratching her head. “So we all suffer under the EU together? And that’s the United Kingdom they plan for?”

*Some Northern Ireland Unionists – indeed some in Britain too – believe the European Union is a Catholic conspiracy – ED