DUBLIN

“I THINK IT’S the first case of anything, rat or otherwise, leaving a ship after it has already sunk.”

W.I.T Willows is the chairman of Rodents Rock, a not-for-profit organisation devoted to bettering the reputation of the *vicious incisor-rich mammals who stalk the dark caverns of our underground and the endless recesses of our imaginations.

“Rats leaving a sinking ship was meant to be a warning to humans; now it has degenerated into a tired cliche every time politicians and their governments become wretched, useless and devoid of ideas, and then suddenly resign.

“Leo Varadkar’s ship sank weeks ago, probably way before that. It has been at the bottom of the sea for so long anyone still in it is a mere skeleton. I ask the media to stop insulting rats by comparing them to Irish Government politicians. It’s traumatic for the poor creatures who already have to face a degree of prejudice unknown in the human world.”

*That’s rats and the like, not politicians – ED.