DUBLIN

THE AWKWARD SILENCE AMONG Fine Gael luminaries following the sudden resignation of their leader, Leo Varadkar, has been followed by a furious rumor that the top job in the party – which carries the premiership of Ireland with it, as a bonus – has had to be put up for sale on Ebay as no one but Education Minister Simon Harris seems to want the job.

“It is not true that the job was placed for sale on Ebay,” said a Fine Gael party worker. “It was offered for free with a selection of leftover biographies of famous Fine Gael politicians, and a blue shirt worn by Eoin O’Duffy in Spain. We’re not cheap, you know. Anyway, it looks like young Simon Harris will get the job and Ireland will get an even younger un-elected Taoiseach. I am beginning to forget who the last elected Taoiseach was. Never mind, it doesn’t matter, the job is just a piece of furniture passed around a group of cronies anyway.”