LONDON

“THAT RED CROSS, it became symbol of empire, an emblem carried by Fascist thugs to intimidate, the equivalent of the swastika, the stars and bars, or the burning crucifix, and we’re well rid of it. Bloody hell, St George wasn’t even English, he didn’t even come from Europe, no he was probably a Greek from modern Turkey with a mother from Syria. He was a martyred Roman soldier. He never had anything to do with England. He was well dead before England even existed. And if he turned up now he’d probably be deported to Rwanda. Look, he’s venerated in Bosnia, Ethiopia and Georgia too, but they don’t use him for a battle flag to scare the opposition at football matches.”

Germane Solidbro of the LGBTQIA+ rap group, Pryde, insists that English football might benefit from a change of image.

“I mean the old look hasn’t see much success, has it? Maybe a more quirky flag will help with penalty shootouts and goalmouth opportunities. And don’t get me going on the fact that the England team is all male. I mean, what is that? Football needn’t bother coming home it can’t serve the whole community. Know what I mean?”

Salome Grit, who leads the micro-protest NGO, Styng, from her London loft, says that slaying dragons is “well out of order, bra. I mean they’re a cool creature, who but a brute would want to kill ’em? St George, the dragon slayer, and his bloody red cross is the past, mate; the rainbow is the future, man. We dig the new England soccer shirts and the new cross. Now bring back *Gazza, and let football come home to a vegan, non-binary gender-fluid support base.”

*Paul Gascoigne, one-time England superstar, now homeless – ED