FROM OUR PATENT COURT REPORTER

CLAIMS THAT new Irish supremo SIMON Harris has been sold a (*King’s?) hospital pass by his predecessor Leo Varadkar, have been brought into sharp focus by a recent internal Fine Gael poll suggesting that many Irish voters believe the June Constitutional Referendum to allow the country join the Unified Patent Court is actually a vote on whether Irish Government policies are patently nonsensical.

“At first were were ecstatic,” said Aonghus O’ Kneebritches, a large farmer from Tipperary who donates to Fine Gael. “A ninety nine per cent yes vote was unheard of. Then we suddenly realized that the punters had no idea what the Unified Patent Court was, and were all of the belief that they were being asked to amend the Constitution to prohibit obviously useless policies being foisted upon them by hopelessly crippled governments. Hospital pass? This is being assaulted with your own crutches. Poor Simon. Look it can only get better from here. Can’t it?”

*This is a deliberate pun as outgoing Irish leader Leo Varadkar attended The King’s Hospital private school – ED