FROM OUR DANGEROUS ANIMALS CORRESPONDENT, P. R. EDATOR OAM

A FAMILY TRAVELLING from Coffs Harbour in New South Wales to the Gold Coast in Queensland has been carjacked by a gang of angry koalas using a specially designed wildlife land bridge, according to a Sydney conservation agency.

“This is really concerning, because koalas are usually solitary creatures,” said Steve Cousteau of the Animals Rock Foundation based near Bondi Beach. “Apparently, it was very early in the morning and about twenty of the cuddly little blokes sat along the wildlife bridge waving at the family coming along the highway. The eldest daughter, who was getting some Learner time in, she just stopped the car and they all got out. Next thing, five more koalas, supported by a couple of nasty eastern brown snakes who were there to scare off the humans, got into the vehicle and just took off down the highway. The little fellows on the bridge then turned their arses to the family, made angry noises and scattered into the undergrowth towards the trees.”

Land bridges across highways in Australia have been praised for their attempts to integrate the native wildlife into the general cut and thrust of modern human life.

“Maybe the little fellows aren’t as happy as we thought,” said a local farmer. “I mean when was the last time someone put a road through you living room and then offered you an armchair sitting on a bridge right over the bloody thing? Just a thought.”

New South Wales Police are still investigating the event. A spokeswoman said that if the koalas had crossed into Queensland, then there was little they could really do about it. “I suppose we could seek their extradition, if they’re found. But it’ll be the devil to properly identify them, if you know what I mean. Should I say that? Is that being marsupialist?”